Ask A Stupid Question

Troper Tales: Ask A Stupid Question

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On the most basic level, This Troper often responds with sarcasm to anyone who asks me "Really?" when I tell them something. For example:
 * I was taking a shortcut down the alley and a man in his yard says to me "So, are you walking?" I couldn't argue.
 * My papa actually asked me how to spell the word stupid.
 * I tend to go a bit longer than I should between haircuts, so when I finally do get one, it's noticeable. So when someone asks me "Did you get your hair cut?" my stock answer is, "Nope, plastic surgery. Had my ears lowered. Heres Your Sign."
 * This Troper uses "No, it shrunk in the wash."
 * Even though this troper's hair cuts are quite obvious, when people ask him about them, he just says "No. Why?". He feels silly.
 * This one really wants to use "No, I had them all cut, not just one."
 * I shave my head bald but sometimes I let it grow back over a few weeks. When a new hire started at my job I had a few weeks growth on my head, the next time I came to work I had just shaved my head and he asked... yep, "Did you shave your head?" I paused, looked at him, nervously touched my head and said "OH MY GOD! Someone stole my hair, call 911!"
 * My standard answer to "Did you get a haircut" is "No, I slipped with the grassmower this weekend"
 * Did you get your hair cut?" "Nope, I dyed it invisible."
 * This Troper would like to point out that he can make his hair at least 5 centimetres shorter by tucking it into his hair. Anyone else capable of doing this could legitimately ask if you've had a haircut when it should look obvious. Note that it's very insulting when someone mistakenly thinks This Troper's had his hair cut.
 * Personally, this troper has often been fond of saying that he merely lost a fight with a lawn mower. Unfortunately, this prompts most people to once more invoke this trope: Really?
 * Oh, Dear God. On another note, I once answered on a whim, "Nah, I just yanked on my tongue really hard and pulled it back in.
 * Living in dorms in college: "Are you playing pool?" "No, but we checked the balls and cues out to see how long it is before someone complains."
 * This troper does this from time to time. However as he is a big fan of Bill Engvall, particularly the "Here's Your Sign" routine, he usually manages to slip in a "Don't answer that question" before someone makes the relevant sarcastic quip.h
 * This troper once caught his fingernail on a small scab, causing the wound to reopen and start bleeding. The slightly dim-witted classmate next to him asked, "Are you bleeding?" This troper responded with, "Nope, I'm leaking. Here's Your Sign."
 * My entire family lives, eats, and breathes this. I'm particularly good at answering them. I'm hard of hearing, so I wear a hearing aid...
 * Mom:"You got your hearing aid on?"
 * obviously I do, if I can hear and react to her words*
 * Me:"Nope, I'm readin' your mind. BOOWEEEEEOOOOO!
 * This Troper used to be in Auburn University's Marching band. When we went to the Sugar Bowl in 2004 I was stopped, on game day, by a man who asked me, "Are you in the band?" I glance down at myself, just to check, and I was indeed in full band regalia with the wool pants-with-stripes, the multibuttoned jacket with coattails, the shoulder cords, and Dinkles—shoes I would not be caught dead in unless I was wearing the rest of the uniform as well. The first reply that popped into my mind was, "Nope. I just stole all this out of the band room to see if anyone would stop me!"
 * This troper works at a fabric store. She's gotten "Do you work here?" during a variety of painfully obviously work-related tasks — opening cardboard boxes containing a recent order of thread and putting the spools in their correct places in the display, organizing rolls of fleece by product code, writing up tags, et cetera. But the ultimate example would be when she had someone ask that question while she was standing at the cutting table, scissors in hand, in the middle of cutting fabric, with a customer awaiting their order in front of her and an invoice box and pen sitting by her side, and her name tag in plain sight. This troper's response was to pointedly look down at her name tag, then look at her current customer, then look back at the genius with a completely blank "did you really just ask that" expression, but in retrospect, she should have just answered "no"...
 * This troper used to work at Wal-Mart and yes, got that question multiple times despite the bright blue vest and huge name tag which is the standard uniform for that establishment's employees. The temptation to respond with "No, I'm starting a new fashion trend" was almost irresistible.
 * This troper works at a gift shop, and while we do have a work shirt, we are not required to wear it every shift. Sometimes the only thing separating me from women shoppers is the fact that I'm not carrying a purse, so "Do you work here?" isn't as stupid a question as it is in some other retail stores. However, one day I was wearing my work shirt, an apron, carrying a hand-held scanner to do inventory in one hand and a box opener in the other, and standing behind the counter. It seemed I was asked "Do you work here?" more times that day than any other before that. I started answering with, "No, I'm fulfilling my community service." Some laughed, some rolled their eyes, and one said, "Oh..." and wandered off, and I died a little inside.
 * This troper used to experience this when working for a third-party inventorying service (wherein we went to retail establishments en masse and counted everything on the shelves). Never mind that the uniform was a maroon polo shirt, distinctly different from ANY retail store uniform.
 * This troper got that working at Sheetz, a gas station/convenience store. While wearing the full uniform - blue shirt with the Sheetz logo, black hat with the Sheetz logo, nametag with the Sheetz logo - and cleaning off a gas pump one night, a woman walked up to me and asked if I worked there. "No, ma'am, I'm just employed here." She sincerely apologized and walked away. I didn't have the heart to call to her and explain.
 * This troper got the same question from a woman pulling into the Dollar General parking lot, who proceeded to stop me while I was sweeping in my (then) black shirt and khaki pants in August in southern Mississippi (it was just a tad bit warm to be wearing black otherwise) to ask if I worked there. The temptation was overwhelming to say, "No, I just like to sweep parking lots for fun. I'm headed up to Wal-Mart next; care to join me?" Shame I didn't say it.... I can sympathize with the troper in the fabric store; I've also been stopped stocking the drink machine and canned food shelves....Ugh....
 * Somewhat inverted with this troper, who once needed assistance at Big Box Mart. I walked up to someone I thought was an employee, and asked "Do you work here?". They replied "Well, what does it look like?", and I could hear them tapping their name badge. I responded in turn by raising my white cane, and said "Wouldn't know. Haven't been able to see for quite awhile, now." The employee then decided to play the trope straight by asking, "Are you blind?" "Nope!" I replied, "I just like the white-cane-and-dark-shades look. It's a fashion trend I'm trying to spread. Here's your sign". Moral of the story? Careful with that sarcastic response, or you might end up being the unintelligent one.
 * It's amazing how many times I'm asked "Are you blind", "Are you really blind?", or more subtly, "How much can you see?". I usually answer seriously as they tend to be embarrassed enough once the words have left their mouth. Still, from my experience, blind people seem to be able to tell whether other people are blind better than most sighted people can. You know that the white cane is primarily to promote visibility and identification, right? If you can't figure out I'm blind, when I'm standing there holding a 58-inch reflective white cane plainly in front of me, you might want to consider getting one of your own...
 * I'm going to possibly ask a stupid question then. If you guys are blind, how are you on here? Only explanation I can guess at is one of those narrator things that says what's on the screen.
 * This troper responds to asking if anyone has any questions with "What's the meaning of life?" It's not really a stupid question, but close enough.
 * This troper prefers "Why do they sell hotdogs in packages of ten, but hot dog buns in packages of eight?", as a tribute to The Dresden Files.
 * Animaniacs did that one first, back in 1993.
 * I always figured it was so they could make word problems out of it in elementary school.
 * This troper's friend once asked how many wheels were on an 18-wheeler. She "wasn't" joking.
 * This troper always answers with "42" if he cannot think of something else quickly. It produces reactions ranging from "Wtf?" to "Oh, you're a fan too?", which is kind of a stupid question as well.
 * This troper works in a store on the Strip, and is often asked, "Do you live here?" Stock answers are either "No, I live in a house," or "No, I commute from California every day."
 * This troper's classmate once asked what Hitler did. From a history teacher. An a lesson about WW 2. (Might not exactly fit here but couldn't find other place.)
 * After returning from an errand, I was asked "Are you back yet?" It was my boss asking the question, so as much as I wanted to, I couldn't give a smart-ass response.
 * ack in high school once, a classmate asked me "Did you cut your hair?" (which I obviously had, since I grow it long and cut it short to save money). I was going to reply "No, I had an accident with the lawn mower", but only got to "No" before she interrupted and yelled "No, I know what you'll say, a barber cut your hair!" and stormed off, upset at my apparent dumb reply. Which I never said. To this day I don't know what that was all about.
 * I might. It might be a "stupid question", but it isn't a question for the sake of knowledge as much as a pleasantry, and believe it or not many don't appreciate sarcasm as a response to their niceties, or being treated as stupid for daring to make meaningless, routine conversation. Which is not to say that responding sarcastically to a question like that is a terrible thing to do, but it depends on your tone, and their sense of humor. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer, but treat people like they're stupid, get treated like a jerk. Though I apologize, because I wasn't there, don't know you or this girl, and that rant wasn't meant for you as much as it was for a certain person I know.
 * This troper gets a slightly reworded version of this: "Did you get a haircut?" My response: "No, I got 'em all cut."
 * This troper often prefaces questions with a warning that he's about to ask a stupid question, because in my family, it's possible for any question to be a stupid one, so I like to keep my friends prepared.
 * This troper once had a book of "quickie comebacks" to commonly asked questions. He only ever used one, though. Q: "How's school"? A: "School-ish!" (People generally liked it.)
 * Yeah, I'll do this too. Today, for instance:
 * Mom: How was work?
 * Me: Work-y.
 * This Troper both delivered this and was the victim of it in at least 2 different scenarios. Receiving it due to frustration caused by my date at a hotel where she shouts, "Ask if they have clean sheets!" which I idiotically parroted in a much quieter tone, getting the snarky response, "No, are sheets are dirty." On the other hand, delivering it was a personal Crowning Momentof Awesome while working at the local supermarket where a ditzy customer just finished getting her items bagged by me states, "Oh, we're in Food Lion!" Me: "Uh yeah, that what the sign up there, the one outside says and on everything you bought." Her: "... Well I forgot my glasses." Me: "And we also have the lion symbol on our badges and on the bags." Her: "You're just trying to make me feel stupid." Me: "You either do it to yourself or someone'll do it for you. Have A Nice Day." Her friend laughs at her, the cashier is half-stunned, half-amused and I'm mentally patting myself on the back for being unusually quick-witted when it comes to talking.
 * This troper once got on a bus and asked the driver "Where do I catch the second avenue bus?" before realizing (and getting) the obvious answer. I covered it up asking "Is that the M15 to City Hall?"
 * Same troper as above, when asked "What's up?" I tend to give one of two answers. "The opposite of down." or "That way. (points)
 * On that note, my usual response to "What's up?" is "The ceiling/sky/Space/etc." or some rambling combination of things located above me.
 * This rather short troper's normal response to "What's up?" is "Everyone." Most people get the joke, but for those who don't, after a beat I continue "...from my point of view, at least." Those who don't get the pun by that point are hopeless
 * An MIT joke: "What's up?" "East cross North."
 * This troper's best friend was once asked by a classmate where South America was. He laughed and played it straight, replying that it was right below North America. The girl looked at him as if HE was the idiot and said, "Well, duh!" *headdesk*
 * My brother's friend once asked why he had to watch the spanish version of some movie in spanish class. Now everytime my brother mentions something stupid his friend did/said we remind him of this.
 * I have a person at work who's hat IS this trope. I eventually gave up with giving him snappy answers as it just wasn't worth it anymore.
 * I commonly play a variation of this one. Whenever somebody offers unnecessary clarification (like if someone refers to "the chimney on the roof"), I'll snarkily reply with something like "What, as opposed to the chimney on the ground?"
 * We're on book five of the Aeneid (for anyone who doesn't know the story, here's a quick summary: Trojan Aeneas is fated to found a city that will later become Rome but the goddess Juno hates Aeneas because eventually Rome will destroy her favorite city, Karthage and the first several books are basically Aeneas wandering around while Juno f***s with him and tries to stop him from fulfilling his destiny) and the night before the test I get a text, "Heyyy so why does Juno keep messing with Aeneas." Headdesk, headdesk, headdesk. This troper was tempted to respond, "Heyyy, why can't Romeo and Juliet just get married?
 * A co-worker once asked this troper why I "talked to him like he's three" because I chastised him for a separate act of violence against common sense. My response: "Because the manner in which you conduct yourself makes it a reasonable inference, if not an outright observable objective fact, that the amount of development the human brain may experience during the elapsed time of three planetary orbits is your maximum mental capacity." My addition after several seconds of his stunned silence; "Exactly." Of course, part of the joke is on me because he clearly didn't get it, but there were people within earshot who clearly did, so it was still worth it.
 * I think you get your own CrowningMomentofAwesome. *gives*
 * My twin sister asked my computer teacher once if he was filming the talent show when he was standing behind a camera. This was because she was surprised to see him, but his response was a sarcastic quip of a similar nature to the statements on the rest of this page. I turned to her and said "Here's your sign". She didn't get it, but I told her that I was sorry for being mean before taking a seat.
 * This troper's role-playing group once had a session that involved investigating the birth of a two-headed baby. Another player was (IRL) the mother of three children, the eldest a hospital birth, the younger two homebirths. Since this troper didn't know about the eldest child's birth, she was confused about something the other player said...and phrased her request for clarification as "How come you know what maternity wards are like?"
 * This troper is usually somewhat articulate, but once came down with a case of the stupids when, at work, a colleague walked by with two small children in tow, prompting the truly stupid utterance "Awwww... are they yours?" If she had said something along the lines of "No, I'm testing out my new age reversal ray gun on people who ask stupid questions," this troper would not have blamed her.
 * At work I get mistaken for a guy with unfortunate frequency, probably because of my short hair and the thick jacket in the uniform, but after one loud and rather rude instance of someone shouting 'You're a girl?!' I patted my chest, pretending shock and said 'when did that happen?!'
 * This troper is prone to occasional early-morning ditzyness. One especially bad example happened one time, when I walked down the hallway of my house, meaning to brush my teeth. I saw the bathroom door was closed, turned to my mother, who was folding laundry in plain sight, and asked her "are you in there?" She, of course, responded sarcastically that she was.
 * To anyone who has had identical twins in the family (or is a twin), you know this happens with anomalous frequency:
 * Stranger: Aw, are they twins?
 * Parent: No, they're a pair of identical strangers.
 * Me: I have to get going, I have an appointment at two o'clock.
 * Person: Really?
 * Me: No not really, I just can't stand your company any longer.